My last night in Christchurch and you know I am going to miss it. Today I thought about it some more and decided that I may still end up living here one day, just not now and not under these circumstances. Despite all of the recent devastation by earthquakes and subsequent destruction it is still a beautiful city and New Zealand as a whole and in particular the South Island (yes I’m a little biased) is a stunning country. It has something that Australia just can’t offer – a compact, manageable size! Australia is also a stunning country dont’ get me wrong, it’s just sometimes a little overwhelming in its enormity.
I’ve met some amazing people in the last few days that I’m sad to not have the opportunity to have in my life on a more permanent or ongoing basis. The woman, Annie, who owns the holiday rental flat that I’m staying in for example, she lives upstairs in the main house and is from what I’ve learnt so far a pretty inspirational woman. Annie is probably in her 60’s if not close to 70, a hypnotherapist who as she puts it practiced hypnotherapy in Christchurch when nobody accepted or understood what she was doing so she practiced from her home almost underground as it was such an alternative therapy, especially for Christchurch, when she started. She has lived around the world and as I said already sounds like an inspirational woman after just a couple of conversations, the kind of woman I’d like to get to know more and learn more from.
The man I spoke with in the city today as we were both peering through the fences into the ‘Red Zone’. He was lovely and so positive about the potential for his city, we talked on the street for about half an hour and had I not been leaving tomorrow we probably would have exchanged at least names if not contact details. He asked if I was local, the accent gives them a clue although there are so many accented locals here that it’s not a given, I answered that I wasn’t. Then he asked how long I was here for and I answered that I’m leaving tomorrow, there was that acknowledgement that it was pointless getting to know each other much beyond the current conversation taking place in the middle of a blocked off street standing at times cheek to cheek to be able to read what he was showing me on his iPhone screen.
I also had a job interview lined up for next week when I was back in Sydney to take place via Skype or teleconference. An ideal job to
start out with which was travelling to High Schools around the South Island to conduct a survey of 13 to 18-year-old students that has taken place every 5 years. The job only went till the end of June but would be an ideal way to travel around, see more of the surrounding area, get paid and get a foot in the door of the local job market. I really liked the sound of that job.
All of that considered I still feel a sense of relief when I think of staying in Australia and Sydney for the time being, I have continued to think about moving here throughout the week and question my decision not to. I question whether I’m taking the easy way out and giving in to a fear of change or whether I am making my decision without fear based on what is best for me now. The answer is that I don’t honestly know but I do know this – When I think of moving here I feel sick with anxiety, I lose my appetite – I’ve barely eaten since getting here – I don’t breathe properly and I become erratic and desperate in my thinking, fear of change or not none of this can be good for a person. When I think of returning to Sydney to find a new job and see where I end up, even remaining open to moving elsewhere in Australia, I feel a sense of calm and excitement and possibility and my mind races with possibilities and wonders at where I may end up and I want to eat (in a healthy at least once a day way)!
The lack of nausea and desire to cook has it!